My Best Bar Story (Stupid FratBoyish Story #1)

In the interests of appeasing Miss Frankie, I'm blogging at work...If I get fired, I'll, I'll, well I'll do nothing of any sort. Stupid anonymous internet.

This all happened to Me. Except for, well, any of it, but you can imagine what it would be like if did. (Though I did win money from platonic, her now husband (then fiance) and several others with this yarn. It has traveled around the world courtesy of the nuclear submarines of your U.S. Navy.)

"So, I used to live in Minnesota, but I have lots of friends in New York City. Now Minneapolis has a decent nightlife, but its no NYC. So when I go to the Apple, I try to manfully keep up with everyone. Like this last time, when we end up at this huge club/bar. Tri-level, like something from cocktail or a Lenny Kravitz video. So we're up in the corner on the top level, and my idiot friends are bored with beer bongs, so we're doing gin bongs. Now, I don't drink any more, (Pooh: of course, I don't drink any less...thank you, thank you, I'll be here all week. Try the veal...) but I'm in NY and I don't want to get called a pussy, so I do one. And it got good to me, so I do another."

"This is clearly a bridge to far, and I'm going to be sick. Now the morons who desgined this place put the only bathrooms in the basement, so I have to sprint/stumble/tumble down three flights of very crowded stairs, pushing anorexic model typespeople over the railing as I go. I reach the basement just in time, kick open the bathroom door, kick open the stall door and let it go..."

Fast forward five minutes...

"So, I run up the stairs to my buddies and I'm like 'fellas, we gotta go. We gotta go right now.'

'Dude, why, did you not make it in time?'

'No, I ran down the stairs, kicked open the door, kicked open the door to the stall and let it go...and there was someone in there'

'Dude... So what did you do?'

'I thought about what I'd do if I was in the toilet, sitting on the pot and somebody kicked open the door and puked all over me...So I punched him in the face first and ran out.'"