How to Talk Trash

So here in the 'burg, there is a small, yet surprisingly crappyvirile Ultimate community. A now yearly tradition is for one of the younguns who's been playing since he was a wee munchkin to go off to college, and then return thinking of themselves as The Shit. This year is no different, except the little fuck-nut tyke went off to ply his trade at that bastion of greatness, The Harvard of the Midwest^tm. Young laddie has returned for ChristmasholidayFestivus break with big ambitions and bigger talk:

So.....
Sunday the 18th of december 12noon. . . be there....for the first annual.... barely legal vs. Ole and in the way....some of you that need to warm up should arrive at 11:30 because...we dont need to...

anticipating our victory,

[Trashtalking Littleshit]

Note three things: His grammar skills do not reflect well on The Harvard of the Midwest^tm; he is mighty confident; and he is terrible at smack talk. In response (not me):

Waking up early this morning, I stumbled out of bed and dragged myself to the sink. Splashing cold water on my face, I stared at my reflection and shuddered slightly. Was my hairline receeding, was my slowly aging 27 year old body starting to atrophy and grow cellulose around the edges. A brief moment of insecurity overcame me as I wondered if these little kids WERE perhaps the next thing, if perhaps they COULD win this game.... and then Mrs. [Littleshit] called to me from the bedroom, and said, "darling, bring that 6 foot 4, 185 pound frame of pure ultimate frisbee skill back here." Pulling myself away from the mirror I said, "[Littleshit's Mom], I'd love to, but I gotta go, its game time baby."

Ok, it's a mama joke. But a good mma joke. But the veterans weren't done (not me either):

It wasn't that long ago.....

I remember cradling little sweet [Littleshit] in my arms as he burbed up his food on my shoulder - now he just throws up swill. And although he sometimes acts like it, he wasn't born in a manger - he was born wishing he could play with the big kids.

Oh I remember.....

Now that's how you do it. Chrissy, if you are reading this, Down, down, down, red team goin down...