Frankie (Really) Can't Relax

I can't even imagine being this funny, but I'll try again soon. You won't be able to stop reading, and yet, you'll really, really want to. The pertinacious Francesca Vitale ladies and gentlmen.

Clicky clicky for sicky sicky.

A snippet:

In the morning, I'm going to write a letter to the school district urging them to incorporate useful [Spanish] phrases into the curriculum, like:

"Do you sell plungers?"

"You didn't tell me you were married, you asshole!"

"Do you know that your penis is sticking out of your shorts leg?"

"That menacing way you're wielding your switchblade is scaring the shit out of me."

Because no one should have to endure the shit I went through today due to a paltry education.

Bravo.