A Partial Transcript of a Conversation on The Wal-Mart-ization of America" With the Family of Beavers That Live in My Closet

ME:
It’s not so much that I despise Wal-Mart. It’s not even that I feel superior to the brand of shopper they cater to…okay, maybe it’s a little about that. But it’s mostly that I’m bothered by the fact that so many people want their shopping experience homogenized as much as possible. Or, at least, don’t think enough about it to care. I realize that we are supposed to be good consumers and buy, buy, buy, but I’d prefer to overspend my money on product that wasn’t specifically meant to appeal to the lowest common denominator. And don’t get me started on these “Super Wal-Marts” where you can buy oil filters with your grapefruit…both for $0.29/each. Why should everything be so cheap? Well-made product should cost more. Produce that actually has flavor is harder to grow. These are concepts that no longer exist in our world where everyone is meant to pursue middle management. I’m sorry, I know you guys hear this a lot. I promise next time we’ll talk about something ya’ll want to talk about.

THE BEAVERS IN MY CLOSET:
(miscellaneous chewing sounds)

ME:
No, you’re right…we’ll just end up talking about me again.