Humor from on High

Thursday, August 09, 2007

Growns up and you're growns up and you're growns up

I bought a house. I am a "homeowner". This, my friends, is one of the weirdest things that has ever happened to me, primarily so, because I have finally been forced to consider the fact that I may indeed finally be....an adult. Now, I know what you're thinking. "But Kaiser," you're thinking, "what about the fact that you drink as if you were still a college sophomore (except ya'know...microbrews instead of Pig's Eye), you use the phrases 'Coolio' and 'Mos Def' in conversation (ie. "How you feeling?" "I'm coolio." & "You coming over tonight?" "Oh yeah. Mos def.", you just started a Facebook page, and you still giggle whenever anyone says the word 'duty' (I blame Caddyshack). Well, all of those things may be true, but what can I say? I feel more grown up than ever, and it's not just cuz I'm 6'2".

Possibly, the major difference is that I'm gainfully employed, for arguably the first time in my life. Has 'gainfully' ever been uttered in the English language and not been followed by the word 'employed', by the way? Can you be lossfully employed? Maybe if you get involved in a pyramid scheme. But this version of my employment just feels like a real job this time around. I mean, they won't even let me wear shorts to work. There is nothing uncertain or transitory about it -- unless you count the fact that a start-up medical device company can disappear faster than Brittany Spears dignity (or underwear). Usually when you get a job and buy a house, the next logical step is trading up for some wooden teeth and going back to diapers, right? Well, maybe there's a few steps in between. But that general perception is maybe what lead me to think of myself in other terms for so long.

Probably, I feel like an actual add-ult because I am more stable and secure in a relationship than I have ever been before. I can't tell you how good that feels. I can't tell you because, let's be honest, I've never known what the hell I was doing. Admittedly. I always thought all that "you know when you know" drivel that Hollywood likes to force down your throat (probably another Brittany shot in there somewhere) was a bit dramatized. But gol darn it, I think I feel it. Kind of makes me think I've been Colin Haying all these years. I have known my gal for almost 12 years now. She dated my freshman-year roommate in college and was like my third roommate back during those tumultuous and momentous years in our social maturation. And we have stayed in touch ever since, no matter where either of us went. Okay, her mostly -- I'm frightened to leave the 494/694 loop here in Minneapolis. I'm not trying to say that we were destined to be together or something -- that old fashioned Hollywood antipathy again -- but let's just say that the story itself is oddly comforting and makes things feel right. More on my theory of "things feeling right" soon. In the meantime, it just feels really good to not be analyzing every little word, to be polling all my friends on relationship strategy, or to be trying to decide how someone's 1" x 1" Match photo will translate to the dimmed bar light where we meet (after I'm three beers in) and being complimented two days later for being really good and sensitive at turning someone down for a second date (yeah, I was suprised too).

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