Ch...Ch...ch...Ch...changes

Maybe I'm drunk on a workday, but one of the worst feelings in the world is a blog left unattended. Staring at the date of that last blog post is like ninjas of guilt assaulting my genitals with dozens of tiny, tiny throwing stars.

Or something.

Seriously though, it has been awhile dear readers who may still be left. It is remarkably ridiculous how much has happened in life since the last time we spoke. Life has a way of doing that to you once you advance to a certain point, and unlike the video games that my roommates of the past used to play, there is no convenient "save place" available to me now to stop the wheels of time from turning in order to pause and properly reflect on past events. All that liberal arts training for naught. Should have gone to technical school.

Dude! 18 freaking months man! What the hell!? There are not enough arbitrary brain energy units left in the old occipital lobe to chronical everything that has happened, so let me give you a few highlights in order to get us back on semi-equal footing and attempt to transition into a possible (but doubtful) semi-regular posting schedule for the forseeable future, especially but not limited to the fact that I sort of promised details (two ago) last October(s):

1. Got married. Awesome.
2. Got pregnant (well, not me of course). Fun, but mostly for me and the auto DD privileges.
3. Became "da da" for a ridiculously cute baby. (link) Also awesome.
4. Got first "real" job of life. Good but bad.
5. Multiple marriages, births, deaths, significant life events of friends and families.
5. Renewed committment to blogging as possible creative and emotional outlet (results pending).

In other words, the usual.

HOWever, in agreement with the consensus human condition, "the usual" for each individual is incredibly personal and spiritual and important, but mostly only to myself. So much has happened since Oct, '08, but in that weird way that happens when you become a real-life adult, things also appear to happen SO slow. The baby is 11 months last Tuesday...but simultaneously it seems so LONG ago and JUST YESTERDAY that she was a little squeaking, squealing, newborn. And now she points to every god-forsaken thing she wants, adorably says "da da", "ma ma", chases the dog on all fours, and spews banana and oatmeal-mango-rice-artichoke baby food like a dug-out WWII German machine-gunner. It wasn't that way for the first two or three months, where nothing major really seemed to change. We are just getting into that phase where grandma-care providers are constantly commenting on how much she has changed since, you know, two days ago. With two working parents, one with serious mommy guilt, and another emotionally unavailable but with heavily internalized approximation of mommy guilt, weekends and evenings become extremely precious and former iron-clad friendships become disapointing and guilt-inducing rough approximations of their former selves. This is not to say that life is not good...because it absolutely is. But let's just say that prioritization has never been more elusive, or more in need of innovation and optimization than ever before. Life is GOOD... but oh so different than it once was.

Growns up and you're growns up and you're growns up

So.
I bought a house. I am a "homeowner". This, my friends, is one of the weirdest things that has ever happened to me, primarily so, because I have finally been forced to consider the fact that I may indeed finally be....an adult. Now, I know what you're thinking. "But Kaiser," you're thinking, "what about the fact that you drink as if you were still a college sophomore (except ya'know...microbrews instead of Pig's Eye), you use the phrases 'Coolio' and 'Mos Def' in conversation (ie. "How you feeling?" "I'm coolio." & "You coming over tonight?" "Oh yeah. Mos def.", you just started a Facebook page, and you still giggle whenever anyone says the word 'duty' (I blame Caddyshack). Well, all of those things may be true, but what can I say? I feel more grown up than ever, and it's not just cuz I'm 6'2".

Possibly, the major difference is that I'm gainfully employed, for arguably the first time in my life. Has 'gainfully' ever been uttered in the English language and not been followed by the word 'employed', by the way? Can you be lossfully employed? Maybe if you get involved in a pyramid scheme. But this version of my employment just feels like a real job this time around. I mean, they won't even let me wear shorts to work. There is nothing uncertain or transitory about it -- unless you count the fact that a start-up medical device company can disappear faster than Brittany Spears dignity (or underwear). Usually when you get a job and buy a house, the next logical step is trading up for some wooden teeth and going back to diapers, right? Well, maybe there's a few steps in between. But that general perception is maybe what lead me to think of myself in other terms for so long.

Probably, I feel like an actual add-ult because I am more stable and secure in a relationship than I have ever been before. I can't tell you how good that feels. I can't tell you because, let's be honest, I've never known what the hell I was doing. Admittedly. I always thought all that "you know when you know" drivel that Hollywood likes to force down your throat (probably another Brittany shot in there somewhere) was a bit dramatized. But gol darn it, I think I feel it. Kind of makes me think I've been Colin Haying all these years. I have known my gal for almost 12 years now. She dated my freshman-year roommate in college and was like my third roommate back during those tumultuous and momentous years in our social maturation. And we have stayed in touch ever since, no matter where either of us went. Okay, her mostly -- I'm frightened to leave the 494/694 loop here in Minneapolis. I'm not trying to say that we were destined to be together or something -- that old fashioned Hollywood antipathy again -- but let's just say that the story itself is oddly comforting and makes things feel right. More on my theory of "things feeling right" soon. In the meantime, it just feels really good to not be analyzing every little word, to be polling all my friends on relationship strategy, or to be trying to decide how someone's 1" x 1" Match photo will translate to the dimmed bar light where we meet (after I'm three beers in) and being complimented two days later for being really good and sensitive at turning someone down for a second date (yeah, I was suprised too).