Humor from on High

Friday, November 10, 2006

Top Five Yes, No, and Maybe Respones To An Evite Party Invitation

"Of course we'll both be there you douchebag. We're conjoined twins."

"No sorry, we have to...oh crap. The paint's already dry. Yeah, we'll be there I guess."

"Well, it looks like not having an exit strategy in Iraq screwed me. But what great timing! I didn't think I was going to be able to make it to the party, what with running the defense department and all, but now I've got loads of time on my hands, so I guess I better start formulating an entry strategy! (lol) Raise the party alert level to orange bitches! Rummy's on the prowl!"

"Graduation party!? Sounds great! Your recently divorced mom is going to be there right?"

"You couldn't keep me away with a restraining order! Seriously, it's not going to stop me."

"Wish I could make it! Unfortunately my sex change operation got switched to that day. Nuts!"

"Dude. Your parties suck. And what part of 'kazoo medley' and 'Who Let the Dogs Out?' do you think actually go together?"

"While a Star Trek themed orgy sounds like a good idea, I think my Spock ears are at the cleaners. I don't think Shatner and Picard gang-banging Sulu was what they meant by the 'Final Frontier.'"

"I'm unfortunately going to be flying back from Bolivia that day. Silvio said he'll have my nuts if I don't get those 50 kilos of...um...religious figurines...to the States by Monday. Keep it real homes. Hit my pager if you need some figurines bro."

"Can't make it guys, sorry. I don't know if you heard, but a one-armed man killed my wife and framed me for it! Can you believe that shit!? Yeah, so anyway I've been running from the cops and trying to prove it wasn't me that did it and you wouldn't believe how time-intensive that is. It's crazy, I'm telling you. Anyway, I think I have a couple clues, but I really need to spend this weekend working on them and this Federal Marshall is riding my ass and it's just a little too much on the plate right now. You understand, right? I'll catch the next one! Have a great time!"

"I'd like to come to your birthday...but are you going to make us play spin the bottle with your cat again? Seriously, enough with the tongue Whiskers. I'm fucking clean already."

"While Rita and I are free that night, we're going to need some clarification....when you say B. Y. O. Farm Animal....um...why is that exactly?"

"I don't know if we can make it. We've got a pretty big day tomorrow. You guys have a great time though. We've got a pretty nice little Saturday planned, we're going to Home Depot. Yeah, buy some wallpaper, maybe get some flooring, stuff like that. Maybe Bed, Bath, & Beyond, I don't know, I don't know if we'll have enough time."

"Dude, I'm so high! The screen is like chemiphorescent or some shit. Mmm...trail mix."

"I'm sorry I have to ask this, but you guys are a politically active gay republican couple from Pennsylvania, so your invitation was a little confusing. What specifically is meant by 'Santorum Clean-Up Party'"?


At 8:29 PM, Blogger Sebby said...

No, I can't today. I've got to stay home and fix the links on my blog. The John Mayer link is all messed up, since there are too many http's in their and it gives a nice little error message when you click on it.

Other than that, I'd love to go, really, the birthday party with the "Free Saddam Hussein" theme and Pin the Tail on the Stripper sounds amazing, really.

And if it weren't for the blog thing, you know I'd be in...


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