Humor from on High

Monday, October 16, 2006


We briefly interrupt the serial blog-effort that has been my life update, "Where I Been", to bring you a new feature: Wreckomendations. So titled because the items contained within may lead you to wreck your life by enhancing your procrastinatory abilities, as well as fueling them with likeable items upon which to procrast. Your bosses would fire me if they only were smart enough to hire me in the first place and learn of this diabolicalness. It's also so titled because I can't resist a poorly constructed play on words, as that part of my brain that deems things "real funny", "sort of funny", and "don't let people know you think that's funny" is defective.

The inaugural wreckomendation I discovered (once again) through one-time amateur stripper turned novelist/playwright/minor celeb Diablo Cody, and it's the blog of cutie-pie (that's what girls tell me), guitar playin', commercializin', cameo-izin' celebritay John Mayer. I particularly recommend October 10th, where MayMay discusses his (I assume fictional but one never knows) desire to become a professional tanner. Damn, I wish I'd thought of that.

A snippet:
"After graduating high school, I began to book a smattering of gigs, tanning at the occasional backyard barbecue and time capsule unearthing. I didn't make enough money to support myself, but I was able to build a portfolio; a rawhide-bound binder with photographs depicting strangers in various scenes of joviality, and my small, blurry form in the distance behind them. At that time I offered three styles of tanning: Bolivian, the most popular; Infernus, or "Latin" style, rumored to be a favorite of the singer Jon Secada, and the oft-reproached Mesopotamian, which when performed faithfully, calls for copious amounts of ecstasy pills and a very, very large Shetland pony."

There is also a lovely open letter to the fans of San Diego, California:
"I am writing to you this afternoon in regards to tonight's performance in your city. I hereby promise that at no time during my set will I make any reference to the movie Anchorman: The Legend of Ron Burgundy. This includes, but is not limited to, the pronunciation of the area as "sahn-dee-ah-go", usage of the phrase "stay classy" and any reference to a whale's vagina. In fact, I will not draw attention to the vaginas of any members in the particular families within the order Cetacea. You deserve better, and it's time to let the healing begin. "

Huzzah, John Mayer. Huzzah.

And now back to your regularly scheduled self-glorification and-edification...


At 11:46 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

I'm not a fan of John Mayer's music, though I absolutely realize he's a great guitar player. And man, is he a funny dude. A couple of years ago, Spin had an interview with him and David Cross called something like, "Jukebox Jury," that had me in tears and gasping for air.

I cannot wait to read his blog.

At 5:00 PM, Blogger Mark said...

Man that mayer guy looks tall.


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